You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Rape Culture’ tag.

Posts like these are periodic reminder to my male readership that the way society treats you, and the way you expect to be treated isn’t the gold standard.  If you happen to be a double XX’er then, mysteriously (not so mysteriously if you happen to be a radical feminist) the rules and expectations that apply to you are quite different.

Female readers will know exactly where this article is going from the headline alone.   Dudes, strap in, fire up your extra brain packs, and read for comprehension.

Do you/can you see the high octane male-bullshit going on the above passage?  Let’s start off with this:

 

“My (now ex) husband would take serious offense [when his overtures for sexy times where rejected] even though I told him constantly it wasn’t him”

Women are people they are complete, distinct, autonomous human beings.  Women do not owe anything to anyone, ever.

    “I started waking up at night to him touching me, trying to have sex with me in my sleep.  I told him the first time it happened that it was NOT something I’m ok with, and he needed to stop.  He didn’t.”

The first thing, my dudes, you should be thinking about is how rapey as fuck the husband’s behaviour is.  Sleeping people cannot consent to being touched.  If you respect someone’s basic human rights, you don’t touch them without permission.  Not stopping when asked to stop is already fully in the territory of rape.

” After talking to my friends about it, seeking help or advice, I felt like I had no choice but to allow it to happen. They all told me that he probably had a hard day at work and he wants some love, or they even judged me for not having sex with my own husband. I felt stuck.”

The second thing, my dudes, is right in front of you, you exist in it, breathe it, swim in it.

Patriarchy.

What just happened here?  A woman was sexual assaulted by her husband, as he disregarded her humanity and continued to do what he wanted.  After, being assaulted, the woman goes to her friends for support and gets shut down (read her basic humanity denied {as in, I get to define who touches me or not}) and told that something is wrong with her and she should really consider his feelings on the matter.

If you are about to say, but they are married, back the fuck up.  Answer this first and tell me what part of being married abrogates a woman’s basic human rights?  You can do what you’d like with property, but if you happen to be putting your wife in the realm of ‘your property’ your basic assumptions about women are seriously flawed – because people are not (should not be)property, ever.

    “I woke up to him touching me and I told him I’d press charges if he did it again and he stalked off, saying “wow. I can’t even touch my own wife.”

This is not uncommon.  Just think about the level of male entitlement – when one human being thinks they should have unfettered access to another human being’s body.  This isn’t 1850, this isn’t the 1950’s, this story is dated 09/21/2017. 

Fix your shit dudes.  It’s been too long already.

 

 

 

 

 

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Link to the article here.

Hi ho blog friends.   Just another quick look into our patriarchal rape culture, yes our culture, the one we inflict on the female folk.

“Sam Smethers says that the minority of people who hold these views have “a drag effect on our society, [and] are holding us all back with their hostile, negative attitudes”.

She adds that blame culture prevails because “it’s what’s been normalised in our culture: that women fundamentally are the ones responsible”.

She says people have got to “understand that it’s nothing to do with what the woman wears or how she behaves – it’s all about what the perpetrator does”.

Yeah.  Bald faced injustice like this has been going on for years and is certainly seems like we’re still in the naming the problem phase.  So much more work is required to de-normalize this mode of thinking in our society.   Fix your family first then your friends, the transmission of patriarchal norms stops with you.

The Female Version:

fdp1fdp3fdp2

fdp5

And then there is male date preparation:

mdp1

Wearing pants? Don’t smell? Check! Good to go!

 

Men worry that their date won’t measure up to their aesthetic preferences. Women worry that they’re going wind up dead.

The disparity is RIDICULOUS, and the fact that dudes get offended when women try to protect themselves is hard proof that way too many guys Do Not Understand how dangerous it is to be a woman. (Not to mention it’s fucking insulting. “How dare you not trust your life and safety to a complete stranger whose intentions you have no way of knowing”?)

The point is, “WE HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING A NICE GUY FROM A SERIAL KILLER.”

It’s not like they fucking wear nametags, okay? Moreover, the most awful people with the worst intentions often put on the nicest face or deliberately make themselves seem harmless and likeable, to lull potential victims into a false sense of security. (Read up on Ted Bundy sometime. It’s horrifying shit. Or read any thread on the “Let’s Not Meet” subreddit.)

In order to protect ourselves, we are forced to assume the worst of every man we meet, because statistically speaking, the biggest danger to women…IS MEN. Saying “not all men are out to get you, you’re just being paranoid” is like saying “not every car you ride in is going to crash, so buckling your seatbealt is stupid.”

When dealing with an unknown situation, in the absence of absolute proof of safety, exercising a little extra caution can be the difference between life and death. Shaming women for being what you may view as overly cautious is every bit as horrid as blaming them if something goes wrong later on.

[Source]

We’ll just file this under ‘pages that I need to photocopy and widely distribute’.

Dresscodes

“Rape/revenge is replete in tension and bloody cathartic release; there is terrifying violation, and then there is revenge you can feel good about. The films use women’s trauma to justify stereotypically male pleasures of hyperbolic violence. So Thelma and Louise get to pick up guns and shoot people like they’re in a Western, while Furiosa drag races across the desert and then gets to murder and take the place of the evil patriarch. Rape/revenge fits feminism into male genre narratives that Hollywood can embrace.

furiosa

…rape/revenge films are designed, often quite consciously, to let everyone in the audience experiment with, and experience, different gender roles, whether as trauma, empowerment, or both. That instability leads to a wide range of responses—and perhaps explains why rape/revenge is responsible for both some of the most critically lauded and most viscerally derided films of the last 40 years. For better and worse, the rape/revenge trope reveals how violence squats upon our understanding of gender—and how rarely, and timidly, that is confronted in popular culture.”

   -Excerpts from the article by Noah Berlatsky found on The Establishment.

Disclaimer – This isn’t specifically about *you* white dude whose ‘sensibilities’ are in a tizzy (you’re welcome for the longer version of #NotAllMen).

“Rape was a political crime committed by men against women in order to assert their power. It was an act of terrorism by which, as Susan Brownmiller expressed it, ‘all men keep all women in a state of fear’.

…From this understanding feminists derived the slogan: ‘All men are potential rapists’ which has always brought forth howls of protest from men who wanted to disassociate themselves from rape.

The slogan simply means that if male sexuality is constructed in such a way that men associate sex with aggression then every man is capable of rape. The slogan also means that women are not in a position to know whether the men they meet are likely to rape or not. Some men may feel entirely innocent but it is not possible for women to treat them differently. To a woman in a train carriage or on a street every man is a potential rapist. The judicial system expects her to act on that assumption and will hold her responsible for her own victimisation if she treats a man who subsequently rapes her with ordinary human politeness.”

-Sheila Jeffreys, Anticlimax

   See also:  Schrödinger’s Rapist – A guide for the Men.

 

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