You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Patriarchy’ tag.


The RPOJ comes for thee.

It has been way to long since the last RPOJ post.  My apologies faithful readers.

Today’s lovely winner is Anthony writing on his blog ‘How to be Happy’ – with the catchy tagline ‘Personal philosophy driven by experience and reason’.  My suggestion is to clarify his tagline a bit, I’m thinking along the lines of ‘How to be happy’ – ‘Just get a mirror so you and I can admire the stupid bloviation drizzling straight out of my asshole. ‘

Anthony while explicitly stating that there are no judgments being made, proceeds to glorify and argue (and thus judge) for a host of negative stereotypical roles associated with females.  Surprisingly uncommon practice for dudes…


“First of all, I’m fully aware that some men out there date women who are just as, if not more, successful and career-focused than they are. And I think that is perfectly fine. The goal of this piece is to explain why some people act a certain way—not to condemn anyone or state how things should be.”

I’m guessing that your piece is going to be outside the realm of sociological interviews and surveys; thus you will be taking your opinions and generalizing them to men as a whole in an attempt to make your shit smell marginally sweeter. (kinda like focusing on the corn kernels, but that might be a touch on the gross side)   

    I’m not sure what is worse, dealing with actual dirtbag MRA’s who state their misogyny straight up, or the pseudo intellectual poltroons that try to obfuscate their dire man-wank arguments in bland generalizations and stolid prose. 

“I want to address the question: Why are some men (I’d say, more than half) less attracted to women who are very career driven?”

My question is why all the damn covert ops?  These are your (thinly veiled) preferences, and in reading your article, it sounds like the ‘ideal woman’ for you is the insipid patriarchal standard woman version 1.0 – Demure, supportive, submissive and preferably pregnantly barefoot in the kitchen while being totally dependent on you and thus a slave your manly whims.  

   You sir, at your earliest convenience, fuck right off.

*Phone ringing*…

*Arbourist answers:*  What are you saying?  I’m jumping to conclusions before presenting the evidence?? – oh jebus its so painful to read this shit and deconstruct it.

*Arbourist still talking on phone:* Pulling shit out of my ass?  Fine.  FINE.   Let’s go see what Douche-stick McClown-Nozzle (‘Anthony’) has to say and demonstrate the slightly rancid smell and lousy arguments that typify his MRA’s codswallop.


“Why are some men (I’d say, more than half) less attracted to women who are very career driven? I think lots of women assume it comes from jealousy, insecurity, or sexist beliefs. I’ll try to present a more nuanced explanation, based partly on my own sentiments.”

Manslator:  Tut-tut! You women and your frilly pink woman brain judgments.  It will take the intellectual prowess(?) of a man to break this hard cookie of a conundrum down and show you how nuanced the answers really are.  I mean ascribing insecure sexist behaviour to men is really quite unreasonable.  Instead, let’s focus on how women’s actions are making men do bad things, because as we all know women are responsible for what men do… 

“Having children has become de-emphasized over the years, but I still believe it’s a strong motivator of serious relationships.  After all, it is a natural thing, an ability we share with other animals, and so it’s deeply rooted in our psyche: like the urge to have sex.”

Ah yes, because natural means ‘good’ right?  Measles are natural, Polio is natural yet somehow we don’t automatically make that rhetorical jump of Polio (being natural) is good because it is in nature (which is inherently good, somehow.)

    Sex is a natural act but, participating in said act are two human beings with feeling and preferences.  Some people may not like having sex it doesn’t mean they are unnatural, or wrong, it just means they are autonomous human beings with preferences of their own.  Stop moralizing on the basis of what is ‘natural’. 

“Of course, if a man plans to have a family, it’s important to him and probably not something he’ll compromise on. Plus, even if he’s not sure, but he might want one, he’s going to want a woman open to the possibility.”

Given a man’s contribution to having children is quite insignificant to the female input involved, finding a woman who wants to endure pregnancy, labour, and child rearing seems like a good plan. 

“So, suppose I am interested in kids. Suppose also that I work hard and have a stable career (after all, most successful women are attracted to men at least as successful as them). Then, I would naturally be wary about dating women who have careers that require similar or more effort than mine. The fear is that, once we have children, both of us will be too busy to give them quality time: to make their meals, help them with homework, take them to events, etc.”

You cheeky fucker.  You didn’t just dress up the patriarchal notion of women being the ‘proper’primary care givers, with concerns about (what about) the children?  Cleaning the house, cooking food, interacting with children can be done by either sex (*mindblown!*).  The notion that women should be the primary care givers and thus expected to give up their personal ambitions to raise your brood is on page one of the ‘How to Patriarchy’ manual.

   Hold on.  I might be jumping to the worse case scenario here.  Let’s wait, and see.  Perhaps Professor Dipshit von Clownstick (‘Anthony’) is going advocate for the solution of equally sharing the work between parents or a similar arrangement in which both parties make compromises in order to parent their children. 

“You might say it’s not fair to expect the woman to do be the one to care for the kids. But it’s not about fairness, it’s about compatibility. If I want a family, but I have a PhD and I’m doing research everyday and I’m passionate about it, I’m naturally going to look for a woman who has a less demanding job, so someone will have time for the kids.”

Being proved right is going to my head. 

Assumption one:  Male careers are more important than female careers. 

Assumption two: My passion for ‘x’ makes it a physical impossibility for me to take care children.

Conclusion:  Anthony needs, not a equal female human being, but rather he needs a Den Mother who has less lofty aspirations and importance in the world.  To receive sperm and raise his whelps while Anthony engages in the manly man business of being a real, successful human being. 

Also Concluded:  I am much in love with ‘natural’ patriarchal stereotypes that place my interests above those who are unlucky enough be born with a vagina. 

“And if I meet a girl who’s just as absorbed in her work as I am, I’m not going to hate on her, but I’ll be less open to a long term relationship. I want someone who complements me, not someone exactly like me.”

Because having to do equal time on the second shift is completely unacceptable!  I have the man-parts that naturally disqualify me from such unsavoury scut-work.  (*near terminal eye-roll*)

“Finally, there is the fear that a career-focused woman will wait before having children, or put her job before her family.”

Oh you mean put her interests first and achieve for herself instead of being the submissive self sacrificing walking womb that you desperately desire.  Anthony, your take on the humanity of female-folk seems rather dim.  

“Personally, I find women who place their personal material success before their family life unattractive. Again, I am not judging them; it is just how my attraction works. And I believe a lot of men (and women) feel the same.”

Men place material success ahead of their family all the damn time.  In some places in the world, where your patriarchal (wet-dreams) stereotypes are not as strictly enforced, I’m deeply sorry (not sorry) that you have to deal with these uppity women and their notions of autonomy. 

    Also, was I not totally right on scrying that “a more nuanced explanation” would equal -“pulling my own sexist stereotypes out of my ass and generalizing them to look more palatable” 


“As I said, it seems common that successful women like men who are at least as successful as they are. The problem is, men with intense jobs like someone who balances them out, not someone exactly like them.”

Manslator:  I want a domestic servant and someone who prioritizes my needs over their own. 

“For example, imagine I’ve had a long day doing research, and I’m a bit stressed. I’d rather come home to a wife who could ask me about my day and have a meal ready and diffuse my stress with a carefree attitude, than a wife who had an equally stressful day and wants to vent about it. “

Because women should not talk about their stress, man-stress is much more important, because men say so. 

“Also, if I am naturally a very busy person, it will be hard to schedule quality time together if my partner is just as busy.”

JFC.  I haven’t looked at any more of Anthony’s blog, but I can bet he’s also an egalitarian, at least as far it means – “I get to do what I want as my boundaries are sacred, *you* on the other hand, are going to have to schedule yourself around me and the other inconveniences of adult life. 

“I can’t generalize, but I can say that in my limited experience, on average, I’ve found women who are more career focused to be harder to get along with.”

  Really?  I just can’t see it.  Women who have to put up and compete against misogynistic men in the work place don’t have time for your vacuous patina of woman hating pablum?  


“I think some women have experience with men doubting their competence, and so they react by always trying to prove themselves, even to men who aren’t trying to start anything. “

Just wow dude.  You have no idea do you.  It seems like you’ve talked with, or at least talked at with women and the point they were making grazed you as it flew over your head.  Everything in patriarchy that women do is called into question.  Women usually have to work twice as hard, just to stay even with their male counterparts. 

   Perhaps just for instant exercise that withered area of your brain that is in charge of empathy and imagine what it would be like if you were not in the default category of male human, that your competence was questioned at every turn. 

   Might make you a little defensive and quick to react no? 

“It makes a guy constantly on edge because he is afraid she will start an argument.”

Getting called out on your shit isn’t a pleasant experience.   Oh my fair summer child, the patriarchy is strong with you. 

“Also, in my experience, successful women can be more likely to find faults in their partner and be critical, rather than accept him as is.”

Having standards and not putting up with his shit – ’tis a sin according to Anthony.  Of course women acting like full human beings and not submissive birthmares seems to put all the bees in Anthony’s bonnet.  Women with high standards and low tolerance for bullshit seem to be quite literally Anthony’s kryptonite.  Tough cookies to you Anthony, but believe it or not females are fully human beings with similarly important dreams and aspirations that, *gasp* may not centre around what a dude wants. :) 


These are not good for women and men in society, let’s do our best not to replicate them. No thanks to Anthony mind you…
















A series of screen caps of the cast replying to the notion that Wonder Woman *isn’t* a feminist icon.

  The scene from the movie being referenced is when Wonder Woman walks into a political/military meeting, of course its filled with dudes who immediately get their feathers ruffled about have a mere woman in their midst while the great male minds make weighty decisions.  WW has no fucks to give and despite the misogyny proceeds to get shit done, not being silenced and most definitely not acting like a ‘proper’ woman.

It’s right there folks, that is how we know when we have made actual progress, when a woman can do something and it appears to be natural and part of the status quo.  Just imagine the female pioneers in the hard sciences and how they must have felt surrounding by the men contaminated with the social norms that make them look at females as inferior and second class.   When females can simply exist and do their thing -just like men get to do by default – we’ll know we’ve made progress, till then it is still struggle against the patriarchal status quo.

Sexist and misogynistic shit still goes on and it needs to change so hopefully soon we can make movies about how awkward it was in 2017 that women had to fight for their right to be recognized as fully human.



Articles like this highlight the systemic, societal based normative attitudes that we are bathed in.  Male violence is looked on in a sympathetic light and the narratives spun around them serve as a justification for their actions.

Lying in wait with a shotgun under your family’s car and then dispatching your wife and daughter with a shotgun is not a fucking act to by sympathized with.  This sort of violence and abuse is the hidden backdrop of our society and needs to brought to light in a most unsympathetic and biased toward the victim way.  Laying low at the root of situations like these is the male patterned socialization that states that using violence is an acceptable way to solve problems – coupled with the notion that women somehow are property and less than human leads directly to shit like this murder suicide.

We need to change the programming for our men and despite the insidious backlash of from the patriarchy about letting ‘boys be boys’ we need to get them early and counter these messages that glamorize violence and dehumanize women.

   This is what radical feminists mean when we say that feminism isn’t about equality, but is about the liberation of female people from male people. We don’t want to be as violent as men are.

Such a simple concept, yet so many seem not able to grasp the idea.  Equality in itself isn’t a bad goal, but obtaining equality requires changing the groundwork of society that currently make it biased toward men and concomitantly disadvantageous toward women.

This bias, know in radical feminist literature and praxis is called Patriarchy.  No version of equality achieved under patriarchy is particularly valid, since the ground rules and societal expectations are still fundamentally skewed.  Thus, what radical feminists seek to do is discover, critique, and move toward the dissolution of patriarchal structures and products in society.

For example, the move toward the Nordic Model to help women exit prostitution because the majority of women involved in prostitution are there unwillingly and want to get out of the forced rape trade given the option.  Prostitution is a corrosive force in society, as it is often paired with the human trafficking reinforcing the idea that women are second class citizens whose objectification is more important than their humanity.

It is the systemic dismantling of the structures of patriarchal male privilege that make radical feminism so threatening to some members of the class of men.  It is also the best way to get a feel for how effective your feminism is – no pushback from the dudes means their privileged status isn’t being threatened – so what exactly are you doing (see most of liberal feminism)?

Pushback from the dudes usually means you’re on to something and should be impetus to hold to your criticisms and deconstructions.  Nine times out of ten, you will be battling a social patriarchal construct or ‘that’s just how things are here’  type of situation.  It’s a long haul, but even laying one brick for the next woman to stand on to carry on the fight just a little further is a laudable action, and sadly must often be the only notion that keeps a feminist going.

I know which minor superpower I’d like to have, I’d like the ability to switch minds of other people, or increase the amount of empathy others feel toward each other.  So much of the problem (other than the dudely shit-stains that actually harass women) is that people just can’t relate or believe women when they say they have been harassed.  This shouldn’t be rocked science – the social norms surrounding the harassment of women – need to be rightly moved over into the category of ‘unacceptable all the time’ and left their for perpetuity.  We don’t condone physical violence on the streets, why are we allowing this psychological (and often physical) torment to continue?  So a big thank you to the Gradient Lair for compiling this survey of street harassment responses.


“I recently mentioned a street harassment incident (they occur often, 10-75 times a week for over 20 years now) on Twitter, and I received a plethora of ignorant responses. I realized that these responses are common, so I documented them here.

1) “Gosh, where do YOU live?” This is asked for two reasons, besides the person being ignorant, of course. One is that they want to find a way to “contain” the negative behavior and associate it with a place where they don’t live, kind of like how people are currently pretending that racism is only in Florida and sexism is only in Texas. The second reason is that they want to be able to associate street harassment happening to a woman with some awful place that she “chose” to live in. This disregards class, race, culture and other factors that determine where people live.

2) “That NEVER happens to me!” Saying this is not empathetic, especially as a reply to someone explaining an awful street harassment incident. When cis hetero men say this, they are being ignorant of their male privilege. Of course they aren’t street harassed. (I am talking about street harassment here, which is highly gendered, not police harassment, for example, of Black men.) When White women (some of them are never street harassed or rarely street harassed compared to Black women) or women of a high social class (as street harassment does have some race/class factors at play) say this, they mean to infer the inferiority of the woman it has happened to. Because we live in a victim-blaming rape culture, if street harassment is deemed the fault of the person it happens to and it doesn’t happen to “some” women, it then implies that they aren’t as “low” as the women who experienced it.

3) “Just ignore it!” This is the lazy response from people who think they HAVE TO reply versus listening, understanding and empathizing with a woman who experiences street harassment. They are actually implying that the harassment is her fault for noticing it occurred. And at times, ignoring street harassment can have dangerous effects for a woman if that man is of the type who cannot handle being ignored and escalates the harassment to physical violence. “Ignoring” is a difficult thing to do anyway when speaking of something that happens with the frequency that I experience street harassment. How can I “ignore” up to 75 insults a week?

4) “Take it as a compliment; if you weren’t beautiful it wouldn’t happen!” This usually comes from patriarchal men who also street harass. They view anything they do, no matter how aggressive and dehumanizing as “flattering” for a woman. Further, this stance does not work. No matter how a woman looks, whether she is considered “beautiful” or “ugly,” men will justify harassment.

5) “Just move somewhere else!” This is the classist argument. Because street harassment tends to occur in cities (especially with public transportation) more than suburbs and in communities with higher male unemployment and poverty than ones that don’t have that, people assume that you can just pack up your S-Class Mercedes and buy a new mansion in a new city where though misogyny will still be present, naturally, it may not be in the form of street harassment. This also ignores the fact that no matter where I go, for example, I am a Black woman there. People decide to disrespect me based on who I am, not just based on what city I am in.

6) “You’re just saying that because the guy was ugly!” People who genuinely believe that street harassment is “flirting” think that disrespectful and aggressive men who are “attractive” are tolerable. After dealing with street harassment for over 20 years now, I know how utterly ridiculous this assumption is. I promise if the guy looks like Idris Elba and street harasses me, I am still angry. Plenty of physically attractive men street harass me (though most are ashy irritant pissants) and I am angry when it occurs. I don’t want to be harassed. I genuinely delight in a day where not a single man speaks to me. It’s peaceful and I am happy when I go home.

7)“Well say something smart back to him; that’ll fix him!” This response usually comes from those who have never experienced street harassment or it never became physical. While some men can be cursed out well (and I have done that) some cannot. Knowing which ones can and can’t is a guessing game that I don’t want to play in most cases. Just like ignoring one can escalate to violence, so can cursing one out.

8) “Go different places then!” So, women should not go to work, their coffee shoppes, their supermarkets, their bookstores, their laundromats, their gyms, etc. because men will be there and will harass them? Again, this is a location-associated response that ignores the fact that some women (like me and most Black women) are PROFILED and TARGETED for street harassment. It is about US, not the location.

9) “Well, a lot worse could happen!” This reeks of rape culture. Who is to determine what is better or worse? Only the person who experiences the wrath of misogyny, misogynoir, transmisogyny or homophobia (as some gay men are street harassed as well) knows what the experience is like. Even more legally serious violence like domestic violence and rape itself are brushed off as jokes or blamed on the victim. So the idea that I should be “thankful” for street harassment because it isn’t rape ignores the fact that no matter what happens to a Black woman, people will respond with victim blaming.

10) “What were you wearing; what did YOU do to cause it?” I addressed this response before in my post 6 Common Derailment Tactics Used In Conversations About Street Harassment and Sexual Assault and in Rape “Prevention” Advice That Doesn’t Include Tips For Men’s Behavior = Rape Culture. While the wardrobe comments are refuted over and over and why the street harasser or rapist is at fault is explained, people continually retreat to this ignorant argument. Girls are raped by their fathers wearing the clothing their fathers bought them. Women are raped fully clothed and in work clothes/uniform. Women are street harassed no matter what they wear. And regardless of clothing, the harasser or the rapist IS THE ONE AT FAULT.

Notice that in all of these examples ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY is applied to the men who street harass. None. Also, notice the lack of genuine concern and empathy for me or other women who are street harassed. Street harassment is a part of rape culture.

Related Posts: all posts tagged with “street harassment” on Gradient Lair”

As always, IBTP.




If there has ever been a motif to this blog, it would be the sentiment that J.K. Rowling captures in her Twitter feed. The experience of society for females and males is distinctly different, and that difference is deleterious for the female half of the world. Men like to dance around the fact that they have the world basically arranged and shaped for their benefit. The mask of ‘being a good liberal’ quickly slips though once it has been demonstrated that the female in question has the temerity not to back down and not know her place in society. Then we can see the real society that we live in. Threats to male dominance are quickly acted on and the abuse J.K describes happens.

Yeah, so dudes, if you don’t threaten and demean women, good on ya, cookie achieved. Next big cookie to win is speaking out and telling your mates when they are acting like assholes toward women in society. It’s scary, but worth it if you happen to value those born female.

Consider this conversation and then juxtaposition it with all the chatter one hears about ‘gender identity’ and ‘gender expression’.  Add to your lens the notion of male privilege and how it often plays out when it comes to respecting the boundaries of females.

(not) Funny how that works.


This Blog best viewed with Ad-Block and Firefox!

What is ad block? It is an application that, at your discretion blocks out advertising so you can browse the internet for content as opposed to ads. If you do not have it, get it here so you can enjoy my blog without the insidious advertising.

Like Privacy?

Change your Browser to Duck Duck Go.

Contact Info

Need to send me email? I have a infrequently monitored email account. Reach me at : arbourist at outlook dot com.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 338 other followers

Progressive Bloggers


August 2017
« Jul    


Blogs I Follow

The DWR Community


Politics, things that make you think, and recreational breaks

Easilyriled's Blog

cranky. joyful. radical. funny. feminist.

Nordic Model Now!

Movement for the Abolition of Prostitution

The WordPress C(h)ronicle

These are the best links shared by people working with WordPress


Biology, Not Bigotry


Peak Trans and other feminist topics

There Are So Many Things Wrong With This

if you don't like the news, make some of your own

Gentle Curiosity

Musing over important things. More questions than answers.


A place for thoughtful, truly intersectional Feminist discussion.


short commentaries, pretty pictures and strong opinions

Revive the Second Wave

gender-critical sex-negative intersectional radical feminism

Trans Animal Farm

The Trans Trend is Orwellian

Princess Henry of Wales

Priestess Belisama

miss guts.

just a girl on a journey

writing by renee

Trigger warning: feminism, women's rights


Happily Retired

twanzphobic since forever

• • • • it's mocktacular! • • • •

Godless Cranium

Random musings of a godless heathen

freer lives

A socialist critique of the transgender phenomenon

Centering Women

A radical feminist page made for women only


radical Elemental feminism


A fine site

Feminist Twitches

Gender, Culture, Food, and Travel


Happily Retired

Madam Nomad

Notes on the Journey

A Radical TransFeminist

when I said "fuck the patriarchy", I didn't mean it literally

Women's Space

Re-Member the Past, Seize Today, Dream the Future

The Colour of Pomegranates

Screaming into the Void

Finally, A Feminism 101 Blog

Frequently Answered Questions

Cloak Unfurled

Life is a journey. Let us meet at the intersection and share a story.


Fallout from my Peak Trans

Dead of Winter

Bitter Cold Truth from a Bisexual, Gender Critical, Almost Conservative Catholic


feminist heresy in an age of gender worship

Women’s Liberation Radio News

WLRN: A Radical Feminist Media Collective

UVic Womyn's Centre

bring back the women's centre

Joys of Joel

The Poetry of My Life through My Writings and Journeys

Sex and Gender

A Beginner's Guide

Coalition of the Brave

A Voice against the Darkness

Root Veg

dig deeper

TERF is a slur

Documenting the abuse, harassment and misogyny of transgender identity politics

Revolting Europe

On Europe, the left, labour and social movements


because facts really should be sacred


The Killer Songbird

%d bloggers like this: