Posts like these are periodic reminder to my male readership that the way society treats you, and the way you expect to be treated isn’t the gold standard. If you happen to be a double XX’er then, mysteriously (not so mysteriously if you happen to be a radical feminist) the rules and expectations that apply to you are quite different.
Female readers will know exactly where this article is going from the headline alone. Dudes, strap in, fire up your extra brain packs, and read for comprehension.
Do you/can you see the high octane male-bullshit going on the above passage? Let’s start off with this:
“My (now ex) husband would take serious offense [when his overtures for sexy times where rejected] even though I told him constantly it wasn’t him”
Women are people they are complete, distinct, autonomous human beings. Women do not owe anything to anyone, ever.
“I started waking up at night to him touching me, trying to have sex with me in my sleep. I told him the first time it happened that it was NOT something I’m ok with, and he needed to stop. He didn’t.”
The first thing, my dudes, you should be thinking about is how rapey as fuck the husband’s behaviour is. Sleeping people cannot consent to being touched. If you respect someone’s basic human rights, you don’t touch them without permission. Not stopping when asked to stop is already fully in the territory of rape.
” After talking to my friends about it, seeking help or advice, I felt like I had no choice but to allow it to happen. They all told me that he probably had a hard day at work and he wants some love, or they even judged me for not having sex with my own husband. I felt stuck.”
The second thing, my dudes, is right in front of you, you exist in it, breathe it, swim in it.
Patriarchy.
What just happened here? A woman was sexual assaulted by her husband, as he disregarded her humanity and continued to do what he wanted. After, being assaulted, the woman goes to her friends for support and gets shut down (read her basic humanity denied {as in, I get to define who touches me or not}) and told that something is wrong with her and she should really consider his feelings on the matter.
If you are about to say, but they are married, back the fuck up. Answer this first and tell me what part of being married abrogates a woman’s basic human rights? You can do what you’d like with property, but if you happen to be putting your wife in the realm of ‘your property’ your basic assumptions about women are seriously flawed – because people are not (should not be)property, ever.
“I woke up to him touching me and I told him I’d press charges if he did it again and he stalked off, saying “wow. I can’t even touch my own wife.”
This is not uncommon. Just think about the level of male entitlement – when one human being thinks they should have unfettered access to another human being’s body. This isn’t 1850, this isn’t the 1950’s, this story is dated 09/21/2017.
Fix your shit dudes. It’s been too long already.
bleatmop
Mystro
Dead Wild Roses 
7 comments
September 30, 2017 at 7:31 am
Steve Ruis
A lot of this bizarre behavior is due to our culture’s inability to talk about sex in school (or anywhere else). This, in turn, stems from the efforts of religious types to control our lives, making them worse for anyone. If boys and young men had sexual “rights and wrongs” drummed into them for years, there would be no mistake with regard to what is allowed and what is not.
On Sat, Sep 30, 2017 at 6:18 AM, Dead Wild Roses wrote:
> The Arbourist posted: “Posts like these are periodic reminder to my male > readership that the way society treats you, and the way you expect to be > treated isn’t the gold standard. If you happen to be a double XX’er then, > mysteriously (not so mysteriously if you happen to be a r” >
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September 30, 2017 at 8:15 am
The Arbourist
@ Steve
I wish that this sort of behaviour was considered to be more bizarre by more people. I think it is far more the standard, or de facto standard than many people would like to believe.
Do you mean in a reasonable forum with knowledgeable people heading he discussion? Because, I recall from my earlier working years, before I was teaching, there was quite a lot of (inappropriate) talk about sex.
There was a great deal of objectification and misogyny. I’m ashamed that I didn’t speak out against it at the time, even though I did not participate in it.
Well said, This can be generalized to what religion does to society.
Unfortunately, pretty much the opposite message is being inculcated into our youth. I see it in the classrooms I inhabit – the nascent toxicity of our patriarchally approved gender roles (misogyny et cetera) has already taken root.
That shit gets shut down while I’m there – but there are 18 other hours during the day.
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September 30, 2017 at 10:01 am
Meg
Religious types control it because men are the ones who created religion in the first place. Men are the ones who wrote the holy books, decided what the rules were, and that only men could be in positions of authority to enforce them. Sure there are religious women and many of them are shitty people but religion is still sexist and upholds maleness as higher state of being than femaleness. Whatever sexual repression men face was created by men on a platform of male supremacy. Full stop.
Arb, I agree that this man’s behavior is not bizarre. In America, laws against marital rape were not passed until the 1990s. Notice how the man said “my wife” like he was talking about an object.
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September 30, 2017 at 12:54 pm
syrbal-labrys
My daughter-in-law to be had most of these interactions with her ex-husband. He still calls and texts her demandingly; then he calls her work number when she ignores him. He texted and asked her to wear a “nice black dress” to accompany him to a military ball – to cover his ass as he has not revealed his divorce! He still is collecting benefits at married rate! No worries: new phone next week, new address, and a call ti the fraud hotline!
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September 30, 2017 at 4:56 pm
lovetruthcourage
Steve, do these young men truly not know right from wrong, or do they simply not care?
All of this blame heaped on “religious folks ” as the source of all evil is badly misplaced. The world is full on non-religious male rapists, and college campuses are full of woke misogynists who integrate themselves seamlessly into rape culture.
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October 1, 2017 at 11:55 am
The Arbourist
@Syrbal
Dudes seem to always want to push the limits when trying to find the bottom of the shitty behaviour barrel. :/
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October 4, 2017 at 7:38 pm
Francois Tremblay
Not disagreeing with you on any point (esp the conclusion), but I just wanted to note that being able to dictate who gets to touch us is not considered basic humanity. We don’t grant it to children either.
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