Greetings fair readership, it is time for a new foray here at DWR. A recent comment by JZ and gentle prod by RoughSeas are the inspirations for this post.
The idea that JZ had was that a comparative essay looking at the differences and similarities between adolescent experiences would be an interesting read. I agreed with him at the time and promptly back-burnered the idea because doing new things is hard. But we’re going to give it a try anyways, because we’re like that around here.
This is what I envision – my faithful commentariat would offer a brief (three paragraph (300 words-ish) anecdotal tale of what the socialization was like growing up through those years we now call adolescence. Let me offer you some food for thought, the original Laurie Penny quote for starters:
“Adolescence, for a woman, is the slow realization that you are not considered as fully human as you hoped. You are a body first, and your body is not yours alone: whether or not you are attracted to men, men and boys will believe they have a claim on your body, and the state gets to decide what you’re allowed to do with it afterwards.”
Some questions/story starters to get the juices flowing:
1. I was so embarrassed when…
2. My finest hour as a youth.
3. My worst experience as a youth…
4. I remember an instance of how my socialization affected me when…
5. [Whatever you think is relevant]
This can be dangerous territory, and thus let me state now that this thread will be heavily moderated with hopes of making a safe space for people to share their stories. If you feel the need to faff on about free speech and censorship, and/or act in a general discourteous manner, the recently polished ban hammer shall fall swiftly and discretely. Furthermore, this is one of those rare occasions where the option to post anonymously may actually be a good thing. Please feel free to use that option at your discretion.
A good host always starts these sorts of things off, so I’m told. As I was writing this post a vivid clutch of memories came back from my high school days.
It was a good time back highschool, as in grade 10 I learned that this would be the last taste of the compulsory physical education (torture) that I would have to take. Track and field, the tepid combination of aimlessly running/hopping/leaping about and throwing a myriad of things, was just finishing up. My sub-group was responsible for putting away the high jump mat, as this PE class just happened to be at the end of the day.
So, with the allure of the end of day just around the corner our tired group of teenagers was hustling to get the large and bulky crash pad mat back into school and put away. Outside, while we were all carrying the mat, one my less intrepid peers decided it would great fun if they ran up and threw themselves onto the mat. Of course, with the extra weight we dropped it, and the jumping doofus was immanently pleased with himself. The gym teacher was also unimpressed and told this particular student to stop horsing around and get with the program (with perhaps a bit more vivace in his word choice, I can’t be sure :)). So we all found the handles to the mat and once again began lugging the cursed beast toward the school.
Can you guess what happened? The Superman in waiting decided that there would be nothing as much fun as doing the same thing twice – because one solid declaration of your assholery just isn’t enough – and off he went, this time though he chose to land near me. And for whatever reason I decided that this particular sack of jerkitude and his attitude needed a stern correction. The correction, in question, was a flying elbow smash straight out of ‘pro-wrestling’ that landed directly in the small of the Jumpy-Jerk McAsshole’s back. He yelped, quite vociferously, in what I assume was a mixture of surprise and pain. Keep in mind, this is coming from the non-athletic, glasses wearing, book devouring nerdy kid who always listened to the teachers and never created waves. I immediately apologized to him and the teacher and was expecting a severe reprimand for such irresponsible, dangerous behaviour.
Instead, the gym teacher was crowing with laughter, as were the rest of the mat handlers. Everyone was like Woo! That was awesome! Everyone was congratulating me for attacking JJMcA for jumping on the mat a second time. I was taken aback then, as I am now at how easily violence is praised and endorsed as a method of solving problems. And in hindsight I can see this small happening as just one of many instances of socialization at work that consciously and unconsciously help shape the person that I am today.
—–
Okay, well if there are any takers on this free writing/reflecting assignment, you have my thanks in advance. :) If you’re like me you’ll be struggling with only 300 words, but I have faith in you, concision is a writers’ best friend.
13 comments
April 9, 2016 at 2:19 pm
carmen
I loved your story, Arb, and could picture it to a ‘t’ – been there, done the same thing. Also detested Gym; consider yourself lucky that you didn’t have to don the dreaded (one-piece) Gym suit. . .my ever-practical mother wanted mine to fit me for awhile so, when I was in Gr. 7, she bought a size 14 . . (I was 12 years old and weighed about 80 lbs.)
My face turns red just thinking about it. . might have something to do with the fact that my hair was as red as that damned suit. Sounds delightful, eh? ;)
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April 9, 2016 at 2:23 pm
The Arbourist
@Carmen
Ah, the bad times that Physical Education brought to light. I’m not sure when it got all poopy. I really enjoyed gym and stuff, playing games, running about. Maybe with the introduction of the ‘serious’ sports and the bullshit competition that goes along with them.
I do, I really do. I’m almost 100% positive that I do not look good in a one piece *anything*. :)
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April 9, 2016 at 3:13 pm
john zande
Excellent! I think I’ll lurk and see what offerings are presented :)
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April 9, 2016 at 3:20 pm
john zande
I remember feeling proud when I got into the smart-kid group thing. It really wasn’t much, we just got to take some classes off and mess around in what was dubbed “the lab,” unsupervised. At the same time I also remember feeling terrible for the guy who missed out below me. Distinction is great, but it comes at a cost to others. That being said, I worked my ass off and was well-chuffed when I was selected to the First Fifteen. It was only my second year playing rugby.
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April 9, 2016 at 6:02 pm
anonymous
I ended up sixteen in grade thirteen because of an academic acceleration program. I was always two or three years behind my student colleagues. This created socialization problems.
I used to hitch-hike to and from school = I hated the school bus = and, one warm sunny spring day, this cute older woman, in a blue convertible, stopped to pick me up. As we sped down the Trans-Canada, we had a shouted conversation about education. Turns out that she was one of the architects of the academic acceleration program to which i had been subjected. She told me that the program had been discontinued due to ‘socialization problems’ with the test rats. I won’t say I was a test rat in a maze, more like a test mouse in a maze. I prefer mice. Very tasty.
That short journey taught me a few things. The primary lesson was this – Carl Jung was onto something with his synchronicity thing.
And women who drive convertibles are thirty percent more attractive than those who don’t.
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April 9, 2016 at 8:03 pm
The Arbourist
@JZ
Feeling empathy during adolescence can be very challenging sometimes. I was on the cusp of the smart-kid/regular kid grouping and danced around the border until I realized at the time that higher marks could be achieved with less effort in the regular academic stream. :/ It worked out well I suppose, but it was neat seeing the social divide from both sides at the times. There were a few brilliant people in the smart-kid group I just wonder how much of it was was parental pressure versus the natural brilliance some people exhibit.
You played Rugby? That is a rough sport, my friend thoroughly destroyed the cartilage in his knees playing the game. My game of choice when I get to play is racquetball, the worst that can happen there is getting your eye sucked out, if you’re dumb enough not to wear eye protection. :)
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April 9, 2016 at 8:08 pm
The Arbourist
@Anon
Peer grouping have so many dimensions to them. Certainly there is the negative peer pressure and horizontal relationships that can really mess with your internal compass, but at the same time they can also help cement who we are with positive relationships and people who care about us.
Educational policy is always an contentious issue, but one thing is evident, being the first cohort in any “new” system has some real disadvantages, and as your story indicated, can effect how we interact with our peers during our adolescent years.
Thank you for sharing. :)
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April 9, 2016 at 9:11 pm
john zande
I love rugby, although I was late getting into it. I only started in Grade 10, which made making the 1st 15 in Grade 11 (then again in 12) something I was pretty proud of. Played through Uni until I broke my arm in two, and that was that.
Was listening to this earlier and wondering, if this is a boys dream, what would the same themed-song-clip be for a girl?
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Run+boy+run
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April 9, 2016 at 9:13 pm
john zande
Ooops, let’s try that again:
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April 10, 2016 at 8:32 am
The Arbourist
@JZ
Well that is interesting. Should we look for prototypical anthems that are considered feminine, or *should* be considered for females?
Consulting prof. Google I found the top 20 girl power anthems. From a brief sampling, they have a much different character than run boy run.
Quite telling in how different the songs are, and a little bit distressing how much the power anthems for girls focus on a relationship with men. :/
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April 10, 2016 at 9:01 am
john zande
12. This seductive track was a great metaphor for the power of a woman’s sexuality.
13. Women sleep better at night when they know that the man who did them wrong will get it right back. We’ve heard it before—what goes around comes around.
You’re right, almost all these songs are about sex!
I think this would make a great Ph.D. thesis.
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April 10, 2016 at 9:05 am
The Arbourist
@JZ
Sorta brings that whole subject/object distinction those feminist types prattle on about to light, no? :)
Keep in mind my link is by no means a definitive representative sample, but as you highlight, the trend is apparent. :/
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April 15, 2016 at 5:30 am
The DWR Friday Musical Interlude – Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri | Dead Wild Roses
[…] folks. A little bit of cross pollination going on today for this interlude. Last Saturday we were looking for female power anthems – songs that inspire and make you want to grab the […]
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