Canadian society, especially the justice system, just isn’t ready to hear women when they speak the truth…
This is an amazing post detailing all the conditioning, socialization, and patriarchal f*ckery that women have to fight through, just to be heard.
There’s a question people keep asking about the Ghomeshi trial, and I was up most of last night trying to think of how to answer it. I finally shut my brain off by picturing, in as much detail as possible, a solid wall of packed dirt in the dark above me. I spent the rest of the night mentally attacking my invisible wall. When I finally went to sleep it was what I dreamed about.
Between pretend punches, the words crept in.
Why
punch
did
punch
they
punch
lie?
If they were telling the truth about the assaults, why did they lie about other things? Why didn’t they just tell the truth?
“Manipulative”
punch
“Deceptive”
punch
Why?
I’d like to try to answer that question for you because I’m in an oddly perfect position to do so.
As the verdict of the Ghomeshi case came out, I…
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bleatmop
Mystro
The Arbourist
Dead Wild Roses 
13 comments
March 26, 2016 at 12:30 pm
carmen
Arb, I’m glad you posted this. She says what many of us think. No, what we KNOW. That most of us do things we wish we hadn’t, we do things we know are dangerous, we do things we know don’t show us in the best light. Relationships are often complicated. I came from a home where my mother was abused – mentally and physically – for the whole time she was married to my father. She stayed, as most do, even though she recognized that it was a toxic relationship. (oh, and my mother always had a good job; she wasn’t completely financially dependent on my father, as many women are).
That Ghomeshi trial ended up in the verdict I knew was going to happen. He was untouchable, and it was obvious from the beginning. The thing that that trial did, though, was make people face some uncomfortable truths about our society. :(
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March 26, 2016 at 12:46 pm
The Arbourist
@carmen
:(
It really toasts my biscuits when I see dudes defending the system – innocent til’ guilty, etc etc – and in almost every case not hearing the concerns women bring to the table.
The process for women to get a sexual assault charge to stick is absolute shite. The process needs to be changed to make it reflect the societal realities women have to deal with – and rambling on how infallible the tenets of the justice system are just doesn’t cut it.
I hope so, but then I still get into dust ups with people who have a hard time believing that the P is a thing and that it effects them and the choices they are allowed to make in society.
We must celebrate progress though, even if it is incremental.
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March 26, 2016 at 12:54 pm
carmen
I think the numbers are 6 in a 100 women report sexual assaults. That is telling. I wrote on someone else’s blog that it’s one of the things that I’m thankful never happened to me; but it makes me sick to my stomach to hear stories of how many of my friends HAVE been raped. Way too commonplace. That fact alone should give most men pause – I’m sure it rarely crosses most men’s minds that every time they step out the door they are a potential target for abuse.
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March 26, 2016 at 1:04 pm
The Arbourist
@carmen
The gap between legal theory and praxis is often too much for many dudes to comprehend. The notion that that the reality they experience doesn’t generalize to everyone is also often brain-breaking for them.
Cue the dude-bros that deny the existence of rape culture. :/ Or worse the egalitarians who fail to see that the playing field is desperately skewed and by just adding ‘moar equality’ will silver bullet the problem.
Systemic problems don’t get fixed by individuals making choices – they get fixed by persistent, intransigent agitation by groups of people who socially cohere around a set of beliefs (see the second wave).
I digress, my apologies, but this trial and the crummy aftermath – sets most of my lobes to ‘apocalyptic rage’ setting.
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March 26, 2016 at 1:15 pm
carmen
I have deliberately not read any of the aftermath. . . like I say, I had a feeling, right from the get-go, of ‘the way of things’. Just wait until he sues the CBC (for wrongful dismissal) and the taxpayer is forced to foot the bill. . . hubby has been saying that from the very beginning. Makes my blood boil to think how these women have been victimized and his ego is still being fed.
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March 26, 2016 at 4:02 pm
tildeb
I think much could be solved if we dealt with the issue of consent alone. Does it make any sense that any of these women consented to be punched, slapped, choked? If consent was not given, then obviously such actions constitute an assault for which Ghomeshi is indisputably guilty. Why on earth isn’t this reflected somehow, somewhere in law when dealing with claims of sexual assault? Can an intoxicated person give consent? Can an unconscious person give consent? Can a person who gave consent then chose to retract it? I mean, come on. There is something deeply broken about a system of law that can rationalize away an obvious lack of consent yet still pretend such claims of assault without substantive independent evidence threatens the principle of innocent until proven guilty. This is so stupid it boggles the mind.
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March 26, 2016 at 6:37 pm
Ron Waller
I think feminists should spend more time instructing young women on how to deal with rape and how to say ‘no.’ If a woman is screaming ‘No! No! No!” and the male keeps going, that POS is going to prison.
That’s my idea of feminism: women taking charge of their circumstances and standing up for themselves.
It’s really a jungle out there. Alpha males feel entitled to spreading their seed and amassing notches on their bedposts. They manipulate the feelings of young women. Get frustrated if things are not going according to schedule. They’re like wolves.
My guess is that if women are better prepared for this kind of thing, it will drastically reduce cases of date rape. (Attempting to get alpha males to subscribe to politically correct ideas of consent is much less reliable.)
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March 26, 2016 at 9:14 pm
Miep
I think sometimes women feel like we can pretend our way into things being okay, because it would all just be so much easier if it was okay. It’s a result of social grooming. Resisting social grooming is exhausting.
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March 27, 2016 at 7:58 am
The Arbourist
@Tildeb
We are in complete agreement on this point. Consider though, the struggle women face to define their boundaries and have them respected – this is a daily occurrence. I think our legal system reflects this gross distortion of society quite well, too well actually. :(
Well they stayed in contact, if they did not consent to these activities then why did they continue to see Ghomeshi….? I’m not quoting the defense lawyer directly, but rest assured this is the line they took. And if we ignore how society is for men and women and look strictly through a legal lens… well a different perspective can be a achieved.
The short answer is patriarchy. How helpful that is to analysis depends on whether you buy the notion that the dominant class in society is going structure the systems in society to benefit themselves or not. Women know how dysfunctional the justice system is when it comes to dealing with crimes like this, hence the low reporting rates of crimes like sexual assault – because they know that unless the stars are in alignment jack-shit will be done. Google the rape-kit backlog for an idea of how sex crimes against women are prioritized.
We concur on this point as well.
The Crown, from the analysis I’ve read so far, was blindsided on several occasions by evidence their witnesses failed to disclose to them. It seems like they didn’t do some of their homework and it cost them. There is another trial coming, hopefully they will be more prepared.
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March 27, 2016 at 8:01 am
The Arbourist
@Ron Waller
I’m thinking that, rather than putting the onus on women to prevent their rape, we put the onus on men to respect women and their boundaries. Reversing the fundamental misogyny that men are inculcated in society is a big task, but completely worth the effort IMHO.
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March 27, 2016 at 8:11 am
The Arbourist
@Miep
Being denied agency and basic bodily autonomy (every frakkin day) takes its toll. How could it not? :(
Agreed. Constantly swimming against the current, especially a socially ‘invisible’ one can be debilitating.
As always, IBTP.
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March 27, 2016 at 9:21 am
tildeb
Yes, the women in this case hurt their credibility. Because the innocent-until-proven-guilty principle is what is being assumed as the basis for the case (rather than consent-was-granted) , credibility of the witnesses for the Crown is paramount so the not guilty verdict was guaranteed as soon as the credibility issue raised reasonable doubt. That’s why the system is so dysfunctional for women in these kinds of cases – why lawyers will always prosecute the plaintiffs in order to undermine credibility, put the victims on trial – when it comes to he-said, she-said cases like sexual assault. And that’s why it seems obvious to me that the legal fix must turn to the consent issue which must then be elevated in law (and by legislative procedure) to be the legal basis for such cases. And it’s evident that something is badly wrong when it is no longer the alleged perpetrator who is on trial, but the victims. I think the onus should be on the defendant to demonstrate that consent for certain actions (that otherwise would be assault) was reasonably granted.
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March 27, 2016 at 10:17 am
The Arbourist
Just saw this on social media. Fitting.
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