Almost all of us have had one. You race away from what you happen to be doing we the grand expectation of someone you know coming to pay you a visit for a coffee or whatever. But no, it isn’t like that at all. It is a stranger and their goal is to test your politeness and patience while they ramble on about trying to save your soul and getting to know Jebus and all that hullabaloo.
Another unhappy feature of this is that these proselytizers are usually so damned nice about the whole thing. So despite the fact you happen to be imagining opening one of your own veins and spraying them with your blood while commanding your high-lord Beelzebub to rain hell fire down them, instead one tends to smile back and politely nod and just wish that they would go away.
I find the door knocking proselytizers to be such a troublesome situation to deal with appropriately. Of course inappropriate responses cost more socially speaking, but seem to be a touch more satisfying.
I’ve always gone the polite route, but does anyone else have some slam dunk suggestions for dealing with situations like these? I’d like to increase the size of my bag of tricks, so to speak.
bleatmop
Mystro
The Arbourist
Dead Wild Roses 
15 comments
June 21, 2015 at 7:05 am
john zande
For you, Arb, to make you feel gooood
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June 21, 2015 at 7:47 am
The Arbourist
@JZ
Mission accomplished John and very inspiring as well. Funny how *they* don’t like being disturbed with information they find offensive.
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June 21, 2015 at 7:59 am
myatheistlife
There is nothing like inviting them in, offering coffee/tea. Then pop open a beer and start with “Ok, let’s get started. Now… about that talking snake?”
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June 21, 2015 at 8:04 am
The Arbourist
@MAL
That would be a conversation to put on youtube, I’m sure. :>
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June 21, 2015 at 8:18 am
john zande
Isn’t it?
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June 21, 2015 at 10:20 am
Elle Kacee
I find that saying, “No thank you” and shutting the door without waiting for a response works fine. Little blunt? Yeah, but it’s got the “thank you” in there, right?
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June 21, 2015 at 10:25 am
syrbal-labrys
I was always polite, but I did tackle the more ridiculous point, not to mention misogyny and other social blights of their faith. Also? Outwardly pagan things on the porch seem to scare them silly! Sometimes they stand there surveying them and walk off without knocking….
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June 21, 2015 at 10:46 am
VR Kaine
An aunt of mine had a little girl knock on her door in the middle of summer saying it was hot and she needed a glass of water. My aunt let her in to the porch, and asked her to wait while she fetched it from the kitchen.
When she came back the girl now stood with her mother behind her, holding a “Watchtower” pamphlet. My aunt was livid. Staying relatively polite considering the little girl was there, my aunt laid into the mother starting with the fact that she should be ashamed of herself, to use her kid in order to get access into a person’s home. She told the daughter not to let her mother use her like that and slammed the door behind them.
These people have no shame.
Reminds me of a joke, however: Why don’t Jehovah’s Witnesses like Halloween? They hate a whole bunch of strangers thinking they can just come up and knock on your door asking for things at any time.
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June 21, 2015 at 10:54 am
The Arbourist
@Syrbal
Hmm, having items/architecture to help repel the mainstream religious folk. Being thoroughly atheist perhaps I’ll find my second copy of Origin of the Species and make a mobile or windchime outside my front door. I could then point to my windchime and point out that it makes more sense then whatever they are about to say. :)
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June 21, 2015 at 10:58 am
The Arbourist
@Elle Kacee
The best of both worlds perhaps? I have trouble with the shutting the door part, as my politeness instincts are overgrown. I usually get as far as No thank you and then they don’t go away and then I have to smile and listen for awhile.
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June 21, 2015 at 11:01 am
The Arbourist
@Vern
That is a horrible tactic to have experienced. The holy roller bait and switch. :/
They are saving souls Vern, no time for shame!!!
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June 21, 2015 at 7:41 pm
N℮üґ☼N☮☂℮ṧ
Open the door in a thong bikini. Works like a charm.
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June 22, 2015 at 8:34 am
The Intransigent One
My favourite – the poor sap had no idea he was setting himself up:
“Have you read the Bible?”
“Yes, that’s why I’m an atheist”
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June 24, 2015 at 12:31 pm
bleatmop
The last one I had started off by asking me “Do you ever wonder why we come door to door like this” to which I responded no. The lady that was mentoring him laughed and laughed a bit harder as it doesn’t stop him from his script and pulled out a bible and tried to explain it to me. Fortunately my cat tried to escape at the same time and I had a good chance to say that I wasn’t interested and run off after my cat.
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June 24, 2015 at 12:46 pm
The Arbourist
@bleatmop
Yet another fine use for cats. A near fool-proof Smokescreen against the proselytizers, who is going to talk to you about Jebus over your calls of, ” Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!”
:)
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