This topic came up at supper, as the best and grossest conversations mostly do. How do you clean your posterior after finishing your business? As a stand and wiper, I assumed that my way was natural. I was surprised to learn that there are several different techniques popular in the dance of the TP. Then I though, what a perfect inaugural poll to have here at DWR. So, don’t be flushed with embarrassment and vote, the world needs to know. :)
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2 comments
January 3, 2012 at 11:33 am
The Arbourist
And what an auspicious first poll this is. :)
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January 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm
The Unrepublican
While sitting down, I take toilet paper, fold it a few times, and reach over and dampen it in the faucet. Then, I reach between my legs, and gently place it over my rectum. Then, I bring my fingers inward, as to wipe from the outer areas inward – this contains “it”, eliminates 80% of it (except for a little still on the surface of my pucker) and keeps it from spreading. Then, I conveniently drop the toilet paper into the toilet bowl, and stand up.
Then, I take more toilet paper (plenty of which I had already pulled off the roll before I started – don’t want to go back and touch the roll after I already began the dirty deed) and fold it as I did before. Then, using one hand, I spread my cheeks apart, and use the other hand to wipe thoroughly from the base of my scrotum (just in case) to where my crack runs out (just in case). I then drop the toilet paper into the toilet bowl.
I then wet toilet paper (this time, more than dampened – wet) and wash the entire area, checking for color. I repeat, if necessary until I’m satisfied that my “region” is thoroughly cleansed. I then drop the toilet paper into the toilet bowl.
Then, I take dry toilet paper (and I use the good stuff, so no little pieces left behind) and dry my “region” well. Afterwards, I drop the toilet paper into the toilet bowl.
Lastly, I turn on the faucet using another piece of clean toilet paper (I’m serious, can never be too careful), drop the fourth piece in the toilet, and wash my hands thoroughly (“thoroughly” happens a lot when it comes to this). Then, I flush the toilet, spray some febreeze, and leave the bathroom.
Voilà, I just made poopey.
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