[ed. I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome Bleatmop to Dead Wild Roses as a guest columnist. Please welcome him, and I would like to extend my thanks for his time in preparing this post (and hopefully more to come).]
Earlier this year, shortly after Easter, several co-workers and I were sitting around the coffee table and the grandmothers of the group were discussing having Easter with their grandchildren. One of the stories struck me as both being particularly poignant to myself and ironic as to how the teller of the story interpreted the lesson of what happened. Before I can elaborate further first I will outline what happened.
Coworker Grandma (CWG) had a wonderful Easter with her daughter and grandchildren. The eldest grandchild met her at her vehicle and tried to help her bring in her stuff. She was just about to grab one box when CWG told her it was ok and sent her off inside. She did this of course because it was vital that her granddaughter not see inside that box; for inside that box was all the Easter candy that she and her daughter were going to hide that night for her grandchildren to find in the morning. Her eldest grandchild was just at that age where she might know that the Easter bunny wasn’t real, but as of yet she still believed. CWG so wanted to watch the child’s wonder as she discovered all the hidden treasures left by the Easter Bunny just this one last time.
All seemed well though, her granddaughter went inside and no more was said about the contents of the box. That night CWG and her daughter hid candy all around the house and in the morning the children woke up with a SQUEEEE and the race was on to find the best bits of candy. Needless to say a good time was had by all. However, later that day when CWG and her daughter were in the kitchen preparing the evening feast, her granddaughter came in carrying her chocolate bunny, a bunny that just happened to be at the top of the box yesterday afternoon.
“Grandma, isn’t this your chocolate Bunny?”
CWG knew then the jig was up. Granddaughter had indeed saw what was in the box yesterday. She knew CWG had brought the candy. Lying was no longer an option when it came to talking about the Easter Bunny.
“It’s yours now dear”
“But it was yours and I found it hidden with all the other Easter Bunny candy earlier.” As CWG was telling me this story she acted out the confusion on her granddaughters face at that time. Then she acted out the surprise and outrage when she asked “Did the Easter Bunny steal it”
“No Dear” Not wanting to drag this out any further, nor attract the attention of the other younger children she called granddaughter closer and whispered to her “The Easter Bunny isn’t real. It’s been your mom and me that have been hiding all the candy all these years”
CWG then went on to act out the look of shock and described how she could see the gears just grinding behind her eyes, processing what she had just been told.
“Does that mean Santa is fake too”
CWG was so into the acting then that she covered her face with her hand in the staff room as I imagine that she did just a week prior and let out in a gasp.
“Yes”
“Does that mean God is fake too”
CWG continued to be so engrossed with acting out this story that she sat up straight, got a stern look on her face, gave a deliberate shake of her head.
“No dear, God is definitely real”
And this is what I found to be both poignant and ironic. CWG’s granddaughter quickly processed the information that had been given to her. The Easter Bunny, of whom she only had her parents assurances that it was real was suddenly not real. She quickly translated that into other things that she had similar evidence for. The first obviously being Santa, an equally fictitious tale and then to God, an equally fictitious tale. In all three tales, the only evidence for said tales was the assurances of those she loved that said tales exist and man made constructs of its proof (such as candy, presents or a church). It really amazed me how this child could take the lesson learned from one situation and apply to all other similar situations in her life so quickly and easily.
The ironic part is that the CWG had the same evidence and could even understand why her granddaughter put all three of those tales together as the same, but still was convinced that God was real and that Santa and the Easter Bunny were not. One wonders how she made those distinctions.
bleatmop
Mystro
Dead Wild Roses 
9 comments
October 11, 2011 at 8:46 am
Vern R. Kaine
I say who cares what adults think in their “who’s more intellectual and rational than who” contest. That’s pure arrogance, in my opinion. This is about the kids, and there’s a healthy reason why kids have stories that are absolute fantasy as they’re growing up no matter how fictitious the protagonist of the story happens to be. I see no harm in telling them that there’s some God out there that loves them unconditionally, that there’s a heaven that people (and pets?) go to when they die, and that we’re all kindred spirits somehow (but that’s it). At that stage and at that level it’s no different than telling them about Rudolph and his shiny nose. Just as kids do with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, at some point they “wise up” and figure out what’s real on their own.
Besides, we don’t run around telling grandmothers who still feel connected to their past husbands that they can’t prove anything and that their beliefs are bull$hit, nor do we do the same with Indians that believe in spirits, either, do we? Who are we to say so, and to decide what someone else is supposed to believe and when? That’s the same thing we criticize the Bible-thumpers for and I think we should pause before we start judging Grandma or projecting our adult fears of being called stupid onto our kids.
So long as she stops short of saying the kids are all devil-bastards who are going to burn in hell for their sins (!), I’m with CWG on this one. Going one better, if it was such a touchy subject, why not just ask a child what they think when they ask if God, or Santa Claus, or Superman, etc. is real?
Also, if I wanted my young child to hang on to the idea a year or two more that Santa Claus was real and some Grandmother of mine ruined it because SHE felt it was time my kid knew, I’d headbutt her and break her hip.
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October 11, 2011 at 1:51 pm
bleatmop
Hi Vern,
This story wasn’t so much about CWG and her granddaughter but my reaction to her story. It should be noted that at the coffee room table I just smiled and nodded. It’s not my place to tell that family how to raise their children just as it’s not their place to tell them how to raise mine. I’m not really in favor of telling the elderly that their dead spouses are not in heaven waiting for them either; that is unless they press the point on me and force me to answer of course.
What I got out of this story is just how easy the child connected that the Easter Bunny, Santa, and God all have equitable proof for each and came to the conclusion when told that one was fictional that the others may be as well. Out of the mouth of babes some might say (though that’s not necessarily a good way to determine the truth of a situation).
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October 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Vern R. Kaine
“What I got out of this story is just how easy the child connected that the Easter Bunny, Santa, and God all have equitable proof for each and came to the conclusion when told that one was fictional that the others may be as well.”
Yes, it’s funny how there’s all of a sudden a “hard stop” from many adults when it comes to God in that situation and that somehow what applies to the two (Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny) doesn’t at all apply to the third. Funny and interesting, too, how kids can so quickly and sharply pick up on the b.s.!
I don’t know – it’s a tough one for me. I’m not religious but at the same time I do feel a certain degree of disappointment when I hear elements of faith being removed from schools and our daily lives.
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October 12, 2011 at 4:57 am
renetascian
The story leaves a little bit of a pang in my heart, because indoctrination can be so subtle and quite sad if you ask me. If a young child can figure it out then why do so many adults fail to grasp this? There is something that is pure about the judgment of a child, because for the most part it is not deluded with the cynicism, and motivations that adults have. As for my feelings about having elements of faith taken out of schools and back out of the pledge of allegiance I have no sympathy. They don’t belong there. You can teach children about religions in history class, but you can’t teach faith within a government funded institution, period. Children, especially lack the ability to reason sufficiently to make decisions about their belief sindependently, but can only assert those things through indoctrination. At that point it becomes little more than repetition.
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October 12, 2011 at 10:24 am
Vern R. Kaine
I think you’re right. I’m not for the Lord’s Prayer in schools every morning, and intellectually I agree with every one of your points. We don’t need religion to teach morality and ethics, but I don’t know – emotionally I just think there’s some sort of disservice not encouraging kids to believe in something bigger than themselves that encourages kindness towards others; that there’s something bigger than ourselves, our parents, our country, or the almighty dollar that we’re somewhat accountable to or can draw spiritual strength from when no other sources seem to exist. It’s such a fine line between suggestion, projection, and indoctrination, though.
I don’t know – color me torn between the head and the heart on that one.
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October 12, 2011 at 12:44 pm
renetascian
We can teach them about morality and ethics when they are young enough to understand it, rather than waiting until high school after they have been corrupted by socialization. I think teaching moral behavior and teaching how to rationalize and weigh what is moral and what is immoral outside of he context of religion is what we should be doing, not filling their heads with logically flawed fantasies about how the world is. Teach them to reason as young as possible and teach them good techniques on how to weight right and wrong and it will be more beneficial in the long run. Teach people how to think for themselves and we’ll all be better off.
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October 13, 2011 at 7:57 am
Cluisanna
And this is exactly why I just can’t understand why you would tell your children a blatant lie. What benefit does it have to tell your children “a person you don’t know and that does not really care about you because it also does the same thing to every other child brought you presents based on if you were naughty or nice” instead of “Mommy and Daddy (or Daddy and Daddy/ Mommy and Mommy, only Mommy etc) love you so much that we have an extra holiday just to celebrate how much we love us all and give each other presents”? I might be idealistic here, since I don’t have children, so feel free to correct me.
I like Christmas, because of the decoration and presents and love, and I try to make it as much about that as possible and not about faith or religion.
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October 13, 2011 at 10:24 am
bleatmop
I was raised by somewhat strict christian parents and I always knew where my presents were coming from. We had no Santa, no Easter Bunny. I knew of these things, how could I not living in this part of North America, but I don’t think this took anything away from the wonder and awesomeness of Xmas each year. So I’m going to go one further and let my child know that the jesus story is myth too. Somehow I still think that xmas will be lots of fun for her.
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October 13, 2011 at 11:22 am
Vern R. Kaine
But do we take them to Disneyland and say right off the bat that that’s all fake, too? When our kids are running up saying they want to hug Mickey or Minnie Mouse, do we pop their balloon by telling them that there’s a real person inside and they’re not really like the cartoon?
The bedtime stories are “lies” in the same way, aren’t they? There never was a real mouse named Mickey, or a steam engine at the bottom of a hill saying “I think I can”. Perhaps if we just preface it with “Here’s a story about… (Mickey, Minnie, The Little Engine That Could, God, Jesus, etc.)” it leaves children to think more for themselves yet still has a positive while offering a little guidance as parents?
Again, I’m not a parent, so I’m asking out of interest.
And ya, Bleat, you knew where all your presents are coming from but look how damn bitter and miserable you are now!!! :) Haha – totally kidding. Maybe that’s why I’m so bitter is because I used to believe in Santa Claus and then found out he wasn’t real. ;)
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